WARNING: SLIGHTLY EEWY MATERIAL AHEAD

About a week ago, something strange happened to my ear. It just suddenly hurt. It felt like an infection, but not in the inner ear – somewhere closer to the outside. You know that spot right where you can still fit your little finger in your ear, but any further and you would need a Q-tip? Alright, maybe I’m the only one who tests these things. Regardless… So it felt like an infection, or a better description would be that it felt like a pimple when the pimple still lies under the surface of the skin, but you know it’s coming and everything in that general area is tender. I even had Flo check for one, just in case. I mean, who gets a pimple in her ear, but it really felt like that!

So for days now, almost a week, I think, I haven’t been able to sleep right (waking up every time I turn in my sleep and put my head down on the left side – and as I found out last night, women in Germany turn an average of 23 times in one night while they sleep); could only snuggle Flo if I was on his left side so I could put my right ear down; had to remind my poor husband every time he wanted to be close to me, “Be careful of my ear!”; even just plain aware of it the whole day long while it throbbed. It’s been awful. I thought of going to the doctor, but it didn’t seem life threatening, so I decided to wait it out as long as I could. Plus, we have no family doctor in Filderstadt yet. Who wants to go to the trouble of finding one of those if they don’t have to? Instead, my strategy against this affliction was a series of mantras. Two of my favorite TV shows are House and CSI, so I’ve spent most of the week repeating to myself, “I do not have a tumor in my ear. There is no cancer in my body,” (Thanks, House) and, “A spider did not crawl in my ear and lay eggs, which are now growing into baby spiders, producing pressure and discomfort in my ear. They will not, in a few days, scramble out of my ear, covering my whole body.” (Thanks, CSI)

I’m happy to tell you that this morning the mystery of my ear disorder has been solved. Yesterday, I finally managed to scratch the itch that has been plaguing my ear since the ailment began – without causing myself unnecessary amounts of pain. That was a blessed relief in itself, but it seems to have precipitated the solution to the problem. Apparently, right here in my ear:

(note redness to indicate a level of irritation)

I had a giant pimple! I know, I didn’t believe it myself until finally something felt a whole nother level of weird in my ear. I gently inserted my finger to investigate and came out again with pimple pus all over it! Eeew! How does that happen? Who grows pimples in their ears? Especially who grows mother-of-all-pimples in their ears? (Sorry Mom, I know you hate that phrase). As my klugscheißer husband pointed out with a wicked laugh, I do.

What does this mean in the long run? Must I apply Noxema to my Q-tips? Do I need skin peels and exfoliating treatments for the inside of my ear?  Is there an Arbonne product for this?? Thank God I didn’t go to the doctor. I can just imagine a serious-minded German (oh wait, that was redundant) doctor coming back into the examination room with clipboard in hand: “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Frau Marcard. Perhaps you’d like to sit down. Is there anyone we can call? The truth is, we’ve discovered an abnormality inside your ear. You have a pimple! Hahahahahahaha!!!” Yes, best that I stayed home, after all. So I’m going to pretend this whole incident never happened. I’m sure I’ll forget it as soon as my ear stops leaking. Of course, now that it’s in cyberspace, I have a feeling it may come back to haunt me.